Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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