Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
