The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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