he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
