That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
