Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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