The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
