I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize