Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
