No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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