theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This house was built for laser tag.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
