from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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