Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
