remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
