Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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