Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dicks are not precious.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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