I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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