U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
