dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
