I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
