see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
