Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
