i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
