There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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