of course. lets lasso hookers.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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