forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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