wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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