Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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