We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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