alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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