So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
