my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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