So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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