No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
