Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
