You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
