it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
