and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
