remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
