Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
