Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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