Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
