apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
