I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
