I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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