Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
