operation harelip BJ is a go
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm bleeding and have questions
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
