Me too!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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