4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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