Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
