The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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