The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize