She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
