I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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