I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize