my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
