those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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