I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
