I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
