i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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