I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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