there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
