I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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