So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
