Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
