This gyro tastes like lonliness
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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