the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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