your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
