I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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