booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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