I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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