Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
