watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
