went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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