Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize