addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
