So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
