names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
