You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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