Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
