I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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