Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
