I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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