At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he thought i was a dude.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
