That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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