Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
