I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
