Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
