I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
