my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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