Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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