you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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