don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
