I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
