I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize