worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
