my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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