last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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