i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
