The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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