That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize