So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How drunk are you?
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