READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
