hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
