I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I didn't notice because vodka
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
