AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
