I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
