We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
